Right before I left the high school I was teaching at, the school newspaper did an interview with me for Pride and I would like to share my answers with all of you. Pride month is every month
I want the digital space I’m creating to feel welcoming, intentional, and guided by love. The audience for this interview was my high school students but it’s important to return to basics and never assume a common understanding around these issues. As an educator I believe ignorance is NEVER something to be ashamed of or embarrassed by (as long as it’s not willful). I am not an authority on any topic other than my truth, which I share in this interview
Q: What is your sexual/gender orientation? What are your pronouns?
A: My name is Captain Dobbs and my pronouns are they/them. I identify as trans non-binary meaning that I do not identify with the gender binary. I see gender not as a spectrum with two opposing ends, but as infinite and what “non-binary” means looks different for every person! Gender is an expression.
I label my sexual orientation as pansexual, meaning that gender and sex are not limiting factors in my romantic or sexual attraction to people. A common misconception is that pansexual people are attracted to everyone. FALSE. Attraction, for all of us, is based on a myriad of factors. For me, gender/sex aren’t two of them.
It is also very important to understand the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation. They often get conflated so to be clear, gender identity is the gender a person identifies as. This is independent and unrelated to sexual orientation, meaning who a person is sexually attracted to. Sexual orientation is also not necessarily the same as romantic orientation for everyone
Q: Do you personally celebrate pride month? Do you think it’s important or is it just another month?
A: As a history teacher I feel that ideally we shouldn’t need a Pride month or any special time for marginalized groups because our histories and humanity should be TAUGHT IN SCHOOL and treated as INTEGRAL to our collective, communal history with the same visibility that white settler colonial history is taught. This is not the case however, so until all groups of people have the equality and respect we deserve we NEED special times like Pride month to have these conversations and remind the world that we exist, we always have, and we always will despite prejudice and discrimination.
Ronald Takaki’s book “A Different Mirror” or Howard Zinn’s “A People’s History of the United States” are great places to look for balanced history.
In terms of celebrating Pride, if you are LGBTQIA+ queer or questioning in ANY WAY, take this month to honor yourself. Do things that affirm who you are, facilitate self care, and practice self love.
If you do not identify as LGBTQIA+ Pride month is also for you!! Take some time to educate yourself on various issues impacting the LGBTQ+ community. Read up on queer history. Reach out to queer folks in your life and ask them how they would like for you to show up for them as an ally. Make a habit of asking people their pronouns instead of assuming and make a habit of asking questions more broadly. The most damaging thing to queer folx are assumptions which lead to prejudice. Open your mind and heart and recognize that Pride is about love and love is something we can all spread.
Q: Do you think it’s important to learn the history behind pride month?
A: LGBTQ history is simply history, it has just been written out of your textbooks. LGBTQ people have historically been forced to hide their queerness to maintain respect and recognition by mainstream society. Shame around queerness is primarily a Western invention. For example, trans and gender nonconforming people have historically been accepted, even seen as magical in many indigenous cultures around the world but the maelstrom of anti-trans legislation in America would have you think otherwise (we are magical, by the way).
Some historical figures you know but perhaps didn’t know were queer include Leonardo da Vinci, Florence Nightingale, William Shakespeare, Athena, Audre Lorde, Bayard Rustin, Billie Holiday, Cary Grant, Emily Dickinson, Langston Hughes, Sally Ride, Virginia Woolf, James Baldwin, Andy Warhol, and many others. Queer and trans people have existed since the dawn of humanity. Homophobia and transphobia are recent inventions.
It’s also important to know the history of Pride itself. Pride Month was started with the Stonewall Uprising in 1969 which was 6 days of demonstrations in response to unjust police raids targeting the New York City queer community. Stonewall caught national attention and demonstrations popped up all over the country to bring visibility to queer people and demand change and access to the rights everyone else had. Thus, the first “Pride” marches were born.
Q: Are there any LGBTQIA+ models that you look up to or just appreciate?
What do you think is important when it comes to representation for the community? Has being a part of the community affected your daily life in any way ?
A: I knew I was queer since my middle school crush on Lady Gaga but I didn’t come out as queer until college. When I was a student at Venice, “gay” was still a pejorative/insult so I hid that side of myself. In terms of gender identity, I never felt comfortable competing on “girls” sports teams or being labeled as such but “non-binary” and “trans” were not even words in my vocabulary.
The pandemic has been critical in my self-reflection, exploration, and understanding of my gender identity. The time I spent alone made me realize that it was time to invest in my relationship with myself in a way that honored my true identity. We can only love ourselves when we know ourselves and I realized that I had been living as the person I was told I was my entire life instead of who I truly was. I began to unlearn the gendered stereotypes and expectations I had internalized and searched for role models who I resonated with. Believe it or not, I found a lot of them on social media.
I only have one friend who is non-binary so a lot of my understanding of myself came from seeing influencers and activists broadcasting their best non-binary and queer lives and thinking to myself, “wow, that resonates with me and moves my spirit.”
Recently Demi Lovato came out as non-binary but they have been an inspiration to me since high school in terms of living honestly and vulnerably. Trans athletes Schuyler Bailar, Chris Mossier, and Nikki Hiltz have been inspirational in my understanding of my identity as a trans athlete. Non binary influencers Ty Deran, Alok Vaid-Menon, Erica Hart, and Jeffrey Marsh have also been role models for me. They are stellar examples of people living unapologetically as themselves and modeling self-love in a world that teaches us to hate ourselves.
I also highly recommend the TV show POSE on Netflix because it highlights many important issues in the queer community, most importantly, the connections we forge with each other and the intersectionality of race, gender, class, and sexuality. There is a lot of privilege and racism within the LGBTQ community that must be addressed if we are ever to truly unite, which brings me to your next question.
In terms of representation I think it’s important to acknowledge that living “out” as a queer person is not a reality many people enjoy. There is still so much discrimination and prejudice to unlearn and most queer people worldwide, especially youth, cannot safely come out. I, for one, live the reality of having a transphobic, homophobic extended family. My extended family did not accept me when I came out and after trying very hard to invite them to learn about me, for my own self preservation and mental health, I chose to end my relationship with them. It was a difficult but important decision for me to choose my truth over their comfort.
The reality of being trans is harsh. When meeting new people or entering new spaces, you never know how you will be received or if you will have to explain yourself. The reality is being misgendered and feeling perpetually misunderstood and reminded that the world projects a binary onto you that conflicts with who you know you are.
But the beautiful reality of being trans is choosing personal freedom, authenticity, and self love and that is the most important thing anyone can have in life. We can only learn to love ourselves when we are living our truth and the most important thing to know is that no matter who you are or how you identify, you are not alone and there is a vast and diverse community of people who love you as you are
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