I chose the name Caelan because it means “brave warrior” and I work to live up to my name everyday. My name is my masculinity but my bravery is not hubris or audacity.
True courage is honesty, responsibility, and passion. My masculinity is about love and peace, not lust and violence.
I had countless examples of toxic masculinity growing up. I was raised by a man who was emotionally apathetic then abandoned me and then by a family friend who was a racist, sexist, homophobic narcissistic abuser.
In my 18 years of organized sports I had exclusively male coaches. Not a single one modeled healthy, compassionate masculinity. They believed in machismo, anger as motivation, shame as a teaching tool, and patriarchy.
In many of my relationships with men I became the therapist for emotionally under-developed men with fragile masculinity.
I had no positive masculine role models so I became my own and defined masculinity for myself.
My masculinity is soft and strong. My vulnerability is a strength not a weakness and emotion is power not a liability.
I am the one I’ve been waiting for
I healed myself by becoming who I needed. Start there to heal. What did you need that you never received? Embody that and you will discover you too are a brave warrior.
Comments