Queer Gatekeeping

CW: homophobia

Throughout my life I endured countless homophobic micro aggressions that stuffed me back into the closet but the most damaging of them was gatekeeping from other queer people.

In college I gingerly came out as bisexual on Facebook by making a joke about it. I was swiftly shoved back in the closet by queers claiming I couldn’t be bisexual because I had only ever dated cis men and that my “straight-passing” privilege made me less queer.

Last year I used an Instagram filter that answered “what kind of lesbian are you?” Moments later I got a dm from someone telling my it was offensive for me to use that filter because, they wrote, “you are not a lesbian.”

In 2020 I came out as non-binary. When I made a post about gender being a social construct someone felt the need to explain to me that saying gender is a social construct is dismissive of trans people. Im literally a TRANS PERSON.

Whenever I mention gatekeeping in the queer community on social media I get dozens of dms thanking me for bringing attention to this issue. Individuals have shared vulnerable and painful anecdotes with me about how they have been invalidated by fellow queers.

This breaks my heart because I know what it feels like to be ostracized by the very community you need love and acceptance from when coming out.

For years gatekeeping made me feel insecure, lonely, and misunderstood. I felt like I was never queer enough or that I was being queer wrong. Everyone else had it all figured out as if there was a gay summit where queers decided what they were going to wear and how they were going to dress and act and I wasn’t invited.

I’m queer because I say I’m queer.

I’m trans because I say I’m trans.

STOP GATEKEEPING.

LGBTQ is not the name of New York’s hottest invite-only club. If someone says they’re queer then they are and even if they DONT say it, it’s not up to you to tell others who they are and are not.

Queerness is infinite and there’s no right or wrong way to be queer. You are VALID and your journey is REAL. Take your time. I love you