Mans world
Mother nature’s dying
Nobody’s keepin score
I don’t wanna live in a Man’s World anymore
- MARINA
I’m done playing the games non cis male people have to play to gain acknowledgment and respect in a man’s world
I grew up often the only “girl” on coed sports teams and at sports camps. I was picked last for every team despite always being one of the best players there, simply because I was “a girl.”
Growing up I had to perform flawlessly not only to prove myself but to defend all women - half of the people on the planet; an insurmountable burden to place on a child. Every layup I missed was proof that girls couldn’t play basketball. Every goal I missed was proof that girls couldn’t play soccer. And every time I lost a race was proof that girls aren’t as fast as boys.
Since coming out as trans non-binary I have embraced my masculinity and in doing so I have softened. On the CDT, I walked for two weeks in boots that were too small and rigid causing, at times, excruciating pain at the end of 25 mile days on trail. There were 30 miles left to town and all of the voices of male coaches and teammates I had over the years echoed in my head,
“No one likes a quitter”
“Don’t be a baby!”
“We knew you couldn’t do it.”
“WEAK!”
I broke down and cried. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to push myself to the point of injury to prove I’m tough. I know I am but I don’t want to hurt myself anymore to prove that to others. I want to practice self compassion and self love. This is NOT weakness.
I told Sean I was in pain and he suggested we get off trail early and get into town to buy new shoes. Taking care of my body is NOT weak. Opting to not push through unnecessary pain is NOT quitting, it’s being smart. I love myself more now because I’m embodying my masculinity but toxic masculinity and tough guy culture has no place in that for me. My masculinity is soft and kind.
Men created a culture of violence. Men created toxic masculinity. Men created patriarchy. Men created climate change. I don’t wanna live in a man’s world anymore. I want to live in a world that values compassion, kindness, and love for ourselves, others, and the earth. Be a soft boi <3
Comments