POP QUIZ
You don’t know me. You see me looking like this (a snack) on the street. You think
A. She has long hair. She has boobs. She is wearing pink. My gendered socialization and learned patriarchal interpretations of these things mean her pronouns are SHE/HER.
B. I do not know this person therefore I cannot assume their pronouns. I respect the depth and nuance of gender presentation and I think it’s beautiful that gender is a sparkly colorful infinite rainbow I will ask what this person’s pronouns are because that is the ONLY way I can know what they are and until I ask I will assume gender neutral THEY/THEM pronouns.
C. Damn shawty is FOINE Lemme ask their pronouns so I can gender them correctly when I ask them out for vegan tacos
B and C are correct.
YOU CANNOT ASSUME PEOPLES PRONOUNS
I realized I was trans a few years ago when a friend of mine said that before his transition he could never figure out if he wanted to date men or be one. He realized that the men he was attracted to were the type of man he wanted to be. The proximity of dating those men was the closest he thought he could come to his masculinity until he came out and set himself free
When he told me this all of the lightbulbs went off. While I don’t identify as male and at the time I didn’t have the vocabulary to articulate my non-binary identity, that was the moment I realized I was trans. I was attracted to the men I wanted to be.
I was never into One Direction but since Harry Styles has embraced gender nonconformity in his solo career, he has been a HUGE influence for me in figuring out my gender identity. When I stumbled across @sparklfashion the other day and tried on this outfit I fell in love with myself. I felt all the Harry Styles/ space goddess gender euphoria I crave
It is important to have role models that act like mirrors to reflect back what we love about ourselves to know who we are and it’s simultaneously important to consciously dismantle our gendered assumptions about people and start asking loving questions instead. Since you asked, my pronouns are they/them and today, my gender identity is Harry Styles.
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