The next day I wanted to get back on trail so I could catch up to Tracks and the rest of my tramily. He said he couldn’t take me because he promised to bring something to some friends he had near the Delaware Water Gap. That was the opposite direction of where I needed to go but I had no control. We were miles from trail so I was his hostage. I would be lying if I said I didn't want to be around him, like Stockholm Syndrome.
We drove back to the DWG and went to a house in Meth County, PA (so it seemed. His friends were named Dusty and Nikki. Nikki was a stripper and she had a pet squirrel. I never found out what Dusty did but they were doing well financially and he had a basement that was “off-limits.” They were nice enough but I felt uneasy in their home for a reason I couldn’t articulate. It was just a feeling I had no evidence to substantiate. I thought we were staying one night then he would take me back to the trail the next day. When morning came, we went to the Church hostel to shuttle hikers to resupply at Walmart then the day passed and it was closer to go back to Nikki and Dusty’s house that the trailhead. Lionheart used doing favors for other people as an excuse. How could I selfishly ask him to take me to the trail when we were helping so many hikers resupply with a free shuttle? They needed him and he needed me. I hadn’t hiked in five days and reuniting with my tramily became a dream that evaporated into the clouds of my memory.
Lionheart was astute. He paid attention to details my partner at the time never noticed. He had a volatile temper but was trying so hard to be better. He always apologized profusely and I have a soft spot for people who are trying to change. He wanted to learn and grow alongside me and he seemed to be willing to put in the work in a way my partner hadn’t. I was so confused but my life with him was simple. I liked living outside and he gave me that. He expressed gratitude and articulated why he valued me. He said I calm him. He needed me. I had to stay.
The next day he finally took me to New Jersey where I got off the trail to go to NYC. He said he had some business to take
care of but that he would catch me in a few days up trail.
“Hey can I borrow your journal?” He asked.
“I won’t read it I just want to write something.”
“Sure,” I offered.
The beginning of one journey means ending another, like chapters in a book. In this venture with you as my copilot, teacher, wanderer, confidant, every day with you has been a lesson, a learning experience. Learning your mind, your past, and your heart is and will continue to be a yearning of mine. Your future is something I look forward to witnessing. Alone or together, every moment we get I will cherish. You show me the door to walk through where a new and better me awaits. I look forward to walking many paths with you in our minds and on this beautiful earth,
Love,
Lion, Cerberus, and Nova.
I felt guilty for thinking about how my boyfriend would never write me something like that.
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