There is something I have not opened up about publicly. It is extremely personal but I think it’s important that I share for two reasons; one, it is an important part of who I am and two, I hope that through my vulnerability I might make someone feel less alone and more understood and to me, that makes it worth it.
TW: sexual harassment and intimate partner violence
This is not my first thru hike. This one has been challenging but my first thru hike of the Appalachian Trail in 2018, was traumatic. During my hike I experienced numerous incidents of sexual harassment, sexual assault, and an abusive relationship that ended with threat of a restraining order against my abuser. Naturally, this nearly ended my hike but I persevered and finished the AT in 2019.
I have come a long way in my processing since then. Recounting and writing about my experience in detail for my website and talking with a therapist has been incredibly healing but the most transformative experience has been building community with other survivors. Your courage has galvanized me to share and I hope I can be a beacon for survivors, as you have for me. It gets better because we get stronger.
I survived abuse during my first thru hike and not only did I come back out and finish it but I am writing this as I thru hike the CDT - known as one of the hardest trails in the world and next year I will complete my triple crown.
That being said, in addition to next year’s PCT hike, I am officially hiking the AT AGAIN because it is something I feel called to do as a part of my healing journey.
I still have nightmares about him often. I still get scared that he will find me and kill, rape, or kidnap me. I play out every scenario in my head. I am scared that he is still a trail angel on the AT and I will encounter him when I hike it next year and I imagine what I will do when that happens - but I can’t let that stop me. I’ll be damned if I let fear undermine one of my truest, most pure passions. I was made for the mountains and I choose courage over fear.
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