Shoes

Harper’s Ferry

We finally got a hitch close to our final destination but it helped a bit. We got dropped off at the local “outfitter” so we could get him new shoes but the store ended up being a water sports outfitter. The owner of the store was so kind however and took a shine to me. She closed the store early and drove us a town over to a store that carried trail running shoes.

“These are the ones you have now!” I pointed to the shoe he had been wearing on the shelf. “I want these ones,” he said and pointed to a pair that were $60 more expensive. “Uhhh, okay,” I said as I grabbed the shoe box he pointed to in his size and we took it to the counter. I reluctantly swiped my debit card. $190 the register read but it was too late. CARD ACCEPTED. He took the box and we walked out. He didn’t say thank you.

The kind store owner dropped us off in town and we waved goodbye. We walked around Harper’s Ferry and visited the ATC store where hikers register and get their picture taken for historical records. After a long silence I muttered, “you could say thank you,” referring to the shoes.

“What do you think I’m not grateful?” He snapped. “This is really hard for me Sarah.” He called me my first name when he was mad. “You think I like being dependent? If you’re gonna hold all of this stuff over my head and make me feel bad then don’t fucking bother dude. If you think I’m a charity case, I don’t need it. Are you seriously buying me shit to feel better about yourself? Fuck off.”

When he snapped so did something in my head. My skin crawled. For days I had been feeling more and more sick from my toxic connection to Safety Shawn, like it was a like a slow IV drip of arsenic. You don’t notice it at first but then your vision slowly blurs and you get increasingly fatigued and nauseous. I knew he was toxic and I had to find a way out.

Walking up the hill to the ATC store/museum, another hiker Safety Shawn had met before

called out his name and rushed up to us. Shawn introduced me as “Picky” and I meekly waved at the other hiker. They proceeded to exclude me from their conversation and walk abreast, taking up the width of the sidewalk so I hopped ahead of them to be alone and calm down after feeling dissed.

“Damn is that your girlfriend?” I heard the other hiker inquire.

“Nah,” Shawn replied.

“Ok good well get on that dude cuz that girl is a piece of ass,” the other hiker exclaimed from behind me within earshot. I was so embarrassed I pretended I didn’t hear him but I listened for Safety Shawn to defend my honor and confront the hiker for objectifying me in my presence. Silence.

We got our pictures taken and when they asked my trail name I hesitated. He interjected, “Picky. She’s picky.” My name was immortalized in the ATC records as ‘Picky’ so I resigned myself.

The sun started to set and we decided to camp under the bridge. Safety Shawn kept talking about how good he was at “yogi-ing” meaning getting people to give him free stuff. “You’d be way better at it than me,” he kept saying. “You’re a young pretty girl. Everyone would give you free stuff if you had the balls to try.”

This sounded like a challenge. I wanted to prove I could yogi with the best of them. “Go talk to those people over there,” he said pointing at an Indian family of fifteen sitting in the park. “They look really nice,” I said, “I don’t want to manipulate them for free stuff.”

“I knew you’d pussy out. They’d never talk to me,” he said. “You could be so good at it but you won’t even try.” I thought about it then figured what’s the worst that could happen?

I approached the family and introduced myself. I asked them how they were doing and remarked what a lovely day it was and how nice it was to see a family enjoying each other’s company. They were very friendly and welcomed me to sit with them. They asked me all sorts of enthusiastic questions about what I was doing - they had never heard of thru-hiking. When I explained it their jaws dropped and their eyes started to sparkle when they looked at me. They were filled with respect and deference. The women asked me how my mom felt about me being away from home and said they don’t think they could handle their daughters being gone so long in the woods. The men remarked at how brave I was that how they admired my courage.

They gave me $30 and all of their leftover food from dinner. They were so kind and genuine - the first genuine people I had encountered in a long time. They said they were inspired by me and asked if we could all take a family photo. I wanted to stay with them forever. “Take me home with you,” I thought.

I thanked them and hugged each of them goodbye. We waved for a long time as I walked back to camp. I felt sinking guilt as I walked away with their money and fancy food. Safety Shawn had been watching the whole time and has a big beam across his face when I reached him. I’d never seen him smile so big.

“I told you!” He hugged me. “What’d you get us?” He asked. I didn’t tell him they gave me money because I didn’t want him to have it. He scarfed down the leftovers. “You can’t eat this stuff anyway Picky,” he said with his mouth full of vegetarian Indian food. “Alright lets go set up camp.” I went to sleep hungry that night.

He set his tent up under the bridge. It was concrete and my tent requires stakes so I slept in his. All I had to do was make it through the night. In the morning I would make my great escape.