Rollercoaster, VA —> Pennsylvania Border
The next day was “The Rollercoaster” - the rolling mountains leading the trial to Harper’s Ferry - the unofficial halfway point of the Appalachian Trail. Halfway through the day Safety Shawn said the roller coaster is overrated and he heard of a folk festival in town he wanted to get to in town. He said it would be really fun to get off trail and listen to music and dance together. It did sound like fun but I didn’t want to miss such a big section of trail.
“It’s only 20 miles - lighten up! Have a little fun! Sorry you’re so perfect,” he jeered. I protested and said, “I am fun!” To prove it I agreed to take his “short cut” meaning yellow blazeing (hitching aka cheating) into town…except no cars would pick us up. We were too close to the city where hitching isn’t a thing like it is in the country.
He said, “you keep your thumb out because you’re pretty and someone will want to pick you up.” The compliment compelled me but no one did. He got frustrated and hiked ahead, fast, like he was trying to lose me.
I had to run to keep up with him and when I caught up and asked what was going on he said, “why are you even hiking with me. Clearly you don’t care. You’re just playing with my heart like every other girl.”
“What in the world are you talking about?” I asked.
“We’re a team,” he said, “but you’re not acting like it. I told you this music thing was really important to me and you’re not even trying to come with me. I’m not going alone so fuck it dude, just go back to the trail and your little college boyfriend. We’re done.” He stormed ahead knowing I couldn’t kept up.
“You’re really gonna leave me on the side of a busy highway miles from where we need to go?” I yelled after him. My heart was pounding. I didn't want to get hit by a truck or kidnapped and raped. He walked ahead of me but didn’t walk away.
I was shocked. Where had this hostility come from? What did I do? He had been rude plenty of times but I chalked it up to being cranky about his tenuous financial situation on trail and trauma he was navigating with his ex.
I said, “please tell me how I can make it up to you. I do care and I want to hike with you but I don’t know what you want?” He said a real friend would be supportive.
“How can I support you?” I asked. He kept returning to the narrative that he would have to get off trail and be homeless. Between the dramatic inflections and angry interjections he said that his shoes literally had holes in them and were falling apart and he was going to get injured and have to get off trail. He said no one loved him and he was destined to be alone. I paused… “If it’s about the shoes I can help you get a new pair.”
“Why? It wouldn’t change anything. You clearly don’t want to hike with me but now you want to help me? Stop playing with me feelings dude it’s not cool. Either you’re all in or you’re out,” then a switch flipped and his tone changed. He stopped walking and faced me.
“Listen, I really like you. I love hiking with you and I feel like I can be real with you in a way I can’t with anyone else. I’m sorry I got mad, I’m just really scared I’m gonna lose you.”
“You’re not gonna lose me!” I reassured. “I love hiking with you too and I want to be supportive. I just don’t always know what you need. I want you to be okay though. I really care about you!” He dropped his pack and hugged me.
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