New York, New York
We met a hiker named Slug and caught up to Bearfood. We all decided to drive into New York city for a day trip. I had a friend in NY I had told I would come see so this was perfect timing.
We went to Washington Square park and enjoyed being in civilization briefly. We saw magicians and buskers and we were all having fun except Lionheart. He hated the city. He was easily overwhelmed so when we decided to get dinner in Chinatown he said he would wait in the park with the dogs because they couldn’t go into the restaurant anyway. He made me feel guilty for leaving to get dinner. He guilted me by reminding me how much he’s helped me.
He had a way of getting under my skin and making me feel wanted and loved. He would built me up, worship me, then shatter my pedestal just as quickly. As I fell from my perch he would always catch me and put me back up on it even though he was the one who knocked it down.
I learned a lot from him. He was passionate about making the world a better place. He was passionate, in every way. He was a veteran and courageous. He was everything I had wanted and wasn’t getting in my relationship at the time. It was as if he knew what I craved most and became that. It felt like he was the one I was waiting for but I felt uneasy.
That night I told him I was going to visit my friend in the city and would find my own way back to the tail. Lionheart made me feel guilty for leaving him to see my friend. As I was getting my things to leave he said, “babygirl, we’re a team. We are co-pilots. All I ask is that you’re honest with me. I just don’t understand why you want to leave when we’re building something good.” That was his favorite term.
He read to me from his book about patience and finding peace within. I started crying. He was inspiring and moving. He made me think about my personal growth and development. I felt a spark with him I was lacking in my college relationship. At the time, I didn’t think about how sparks start fires that burn down houses.
I was falling into something with Lionheart but it was all happening so fast I didn't know if it was good or bad or how to stop falling. I was scared. He sat on the hood of his Jeep as I put my pack on. I didn’t even care about seeing my friend, I just wanted to walk alone at night and listen to my own thoughts for a minute. I just wanted to STOP and have some fucking PEACE in my brain. I was so close. I just needed to think about things. Just for a little while. I needed to be alone. It’s ironic that the thing I feared most in the beginning of this journey was the one thing I needed most now. I needed to be alone. I could taste it. I was gonna be okay. I just had to walk away, into the dark abyss of Central Park at night by myself.
“I dunno chica,” he said. “I just don’t know about us.” Guilt guilt guilt. I let it go. “I’ll see you soon,” I reassured. I hugged him then I turned around and walked. “Before you go, I want to give you this,” he called after me. I turned around and walked back to him. He lifted the chain up over his head and put it over mine. “Your key,” I whispered. I took it in my hand and read TRUTH. Other than his dogs, it was his most prized possession. “Truth is the key,” he said. We drove back to the trail together that night.
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